What a way to kick this whole adventure off!!
I've had this train of thought just floating around in my head for a few weeks now. And I've been sitting on it because I've been trying to figure out if I'm completely out of line to be stuck on it in the way that I am. And because when I really start talking about the things I think and feel strongly about, I tend to be incredibly blunt. Given that some people don't appreciate that directness, and I really don't like to rock the boat? I've definitely hesitated.
I'm starting to realize that I'm only hurting myself. It's probably disjointed, but here it all goes!!
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I graduated high school already pregnant with my first child. That definitely was not unheard of, but it wasn't the norm, either. Between when I got pregnant with my son and when my daughter was born, the better part of a quarter of the girls I went to high school with announced at least one pregnancy (if not more) and welcomed their baby(ies).
Cool. I wasn't the only one!
BUT!
Whereas I married my 2 kids' father and we're still living our lives together now? All those girls I went to school with had multiple kids with multiple fathers and have broadcast their disastrous lives all over social media for anyone and everyone to see.
Don't take that to mean that I think they're bad people, because I certainly do not.
Stick with me, 'cause I'm going in a completely different direction with this!
Obviously the holidays are a big deal. People (parents from my generation) plaster social media with a running commentary - including pictures! - of what they're getting their kids as gifts, or where they're spending the holidays if they won't be at home. I get that, and I like to see what's going on in my friends' lives.
Recently, though, I've seen a growing trend that almost feels like a personal attack, even if I know it isn't.
These former classmates who have multiple children from multiple relationships are talking about all these extravagant gifts they're giving their children, and how much money they're spending "but it's so worth it because [their] children are the most important things in [their] lives so money is no big deal."
Taken at face value, that seems like a wonderful sentiment. One that I, myself, wholeheartedly agree with.
Except..
There's another statement to be read between the idealistic lines put out for public viewing.
One that says "if you aren't spending gobs of money on your kid(s), clearly you don't love them as I love my kids...as much as you should."
And that? Is really very insulting, and I'll tell you why..
How could they possibly know anything about me or my life when theirs is so completely different?
They have child support coming in from previous dead-beat baby-daddies, PLUS the income of their current spouse, AND help from their parents.
We have exactly one income because I'm a stay-at-home-mom and full-time student right now, and my parents are entirely too busy still raising my siblings to be able to finance me living luxuriously!
I love my kids more than I ever thought possible. I would die for them, no questions asked, because I want them to be able to experience all the joys of life, and even parenthood one day. (Just not too soon!)
And I certainly don't want them to struggle the way that my husband and I have, for having been young parents who decided to figure it out together for the long haul.
As a result of loving my children and being with their father? We aren't rolling in money.
We've had to make our share of sacrifices - both to be together as a couple, and to parent our children the best way we know how.
But one thing I will always take pride in? Is that we've done all of this TOGETHER. Our joys, our sorrows? All shared together as one family unit, rich in love.
So then, why do they get to pass judgment on me and say that I don't love my children as much as they love theirs?!
Why am I the bad parent because I'm NOT spoiling my kids with more than what they need or trying to buy their love instead of giving them my time and attention?
Someone, please tell me..
What is so wrong with raising my kids in a loving home where their parents show them love?
Or with teaching them that life isn't about quitting when it gets "too hard," just because you don't want to put in the work?
What's wrong with teaching my kids the value of earning something on their own...of paying their own way instead of expecting it from someone else?
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I'm probably being way too sensitive about the whole thing. Obscenely so.
But I'm ok with that, because they're my feelings and they're real.
I am who I am. I feel what I feel.
If you don't like it? Lump it!!
